I’m not one for sharing a lot of personal stuff, but I need to come clean about something. Public confession is all the rage these days, so here goes. Stick with me to the end here, no matter how revolting these revelations may seem, because this is something I really need to get off my chest.
1. I was just a little kid the first time, but I was hooked the first time I tried it.
2. Most guys like breasts. They’re good, I admit. I don’t care how big they are as long as they are firm.
3. I’ll always remember that time when I had it at the baseball field. Twice in the same day.
4. On the table in the kitchen is probably my favorite place.
5. When I can’t get it, I’m thinking about it.
6. I’m thinking about it now.
7. I’m a leg man. I like to start at the bottom and work my way up.
8. Sometimes I start slowly. Other times I attack it like a hungry wolf.
9. Sometimes it’s so good I lick my fingers when I’m done.
10. I’ve had it so many times that I wouldn’t even wager a guess at the number. Thousands.
11. Once when I was driving. Yes, driving. I know that sounds dangerous and crazy, but it can be done.
12. I’ve never had it at the theater, but I’ve fantasized about it.
13. Having it with family is OK by me.
14. I don’t have any qualms about having it with perfect strangers.
15. Occasionally I’m all by myself.
16. When I was younger, I could have it every day. My doctor says I shouldn’t do that now — not good for my heart.
17. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to take my time and enjoy every minute.
18. Sometimes it takes an hour to finish. Really.
19. Some are better than others, but they’re all good to me.
20. It’s always better hot — and I mean smokin’ hot.
21. Smooth skin. My heart skips a beat just thinking about it.
22. Some guys would say that the younger they are the better. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Trust me on that one, guys.
23. On the couch is good — with the T.V. on.
24. If you haven’t tried it outside under the stars you don’t don’t know what you’re missing.
25. You know it’s hot when you start to sweat, and I usually do.
26. I’ve had it early in the morning, before breakfast.
27. I’ve had it late at night, just before going to sleep.
28. I’ve had it on a Tuesday afternoon.
29. I’d get some right now if I could.
30. You can have it on the beach, but that’s over-rated as far as I’m concerned. Sand can ruin the experience.
31. I’ve had it in a cheap hotel. More than once.
32. Sometimes when I have it I think about my grandmother.
33. I’ve tried to quit getting it, but I can’t stop.
34. I never had a sister, but I’ve often wondered if we would have enjoyed it together.
35. I like to just nibble on the neck.
36. You ever had it in the back seat of your momma’s car? I have. Had to be really careful not to leave a mess.
37. I’m not opposed to public places. I don’t mind if people watch.
38. I don’t go in for a lot of talk during. Maybe an occasional “Oh baby, you’re good.”
39. Sometimes when I’m finished I get sleepy.
40. I thought my appetite would diminish when I got older, but it hasn’t.
41. My wife’s is good, but I’ve had better.
42. Ever had it at a church picnic? I have.
43. I’ve even had it at a family reunion.
44. Dark or white — makes no difference to me. I like ’em both. Dark is juicer.
45. Sometimes a little music creates a nice atmosphere, but it’s not essential.
46. Country music can work, but there’s nothing like having it with Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lot of Love” blasting in the background.
47. I can quit anytime.
48. I lied. I need it like black coffee and nicotine.
49. This feels good, sharing my secrets.
50. I’ll have it with you. Send me an email. Anytime, anywhere.
Yes ma’am, I love me some good fried chicken. It’s my favorite thing to eat.
What did you think I was talking about?